Oh my gosh! It's 7:30 and I'm just waking up. "Erleen! Erleen - wake up, the alarm didn't go off." "Go back to sleep - you're retired.
Retired? How did that happen? For forty years I have always been in the office by 9:00. O, I see. I'm on vacation in our home in Hannaford, North Dakota. No, this is not vacation. I live here now year-round.
Okay, I remember rushing around to vacate my office by May 31, then cramming most of our belongings into a U-haul truck and trekking across the continent to Hannaford. Now that I am here and have time to think about it, I wonder if we did the right thing.
Of course we did the right thing! We sensed God's blessing on our plan to retire. all the myriad of details came together to make the move possible. The accounting practice sold and the house rented. The retirement/farewell party was a huge success. Our family and friends in North Dakota welcomed us with open arms.
But this is a momentous change in life. Isn't life supposed to go on forever without change? No, of course not. But why do I feel so conflicted? I am anticipating a glorious future without deadlines, but still....
I love the prairie with its ever-changing weather. I love the warm evenings. I love the people of Hannaford and Griggs County. I lover the family gatherings. I feel as if I have lived here my entire life, but still....
This is the beginning of a new vignette I am working on. Just thought you might like to see it early.
Dad, I would feel the same way - conflicted. (I got your no-change-please gene.) There is so much to love about both of your homes. It's no wonder you're conflicted.
ReplyDelete(also, note the funny typo in your post. editing is simple. go to your "dashboard" at the top of your blog and it will take you to a place you can "edit or delete" postings.)
I love reading your vignettes like this. I can relate to the feeling of the imprint change slowly has on the inside of my mind. The mind is still on a schedule that has been reliable and unfaulty for quite some time. It will take time to relax it and to get rid of that feeling that you are supposed to be somewhere. Give it a couple of years. After all the change I have survived, I have figured out that it takes me just about two years exactly before I am back to a new automatic mode that my body and mind can relax into. But you have been on the same auto pilot for quite a bit longer! Schedules help. Just be sure to plan some spontaneity into the day so Mom can get her fill. Love you both so much. Love your transparency and your beautiful writing!
ReplyDeleteMelodee
PS - Ask mom if she still has the Merry-Go-Round poem I wrote. You will relate.